Pay Attention!!!

I attempted to walk past him without saying nothing, he blocked my way. I went to move around him and then everything went crazy. He hit me! Out of nowhere the man I loved hit me and didn't stop! He continued to hit me. Even though I didn't raised a finger in defense he continued to pummel me. I was on the floor in a fetal position and he began to kick me. Finally I managed to get up and crawl away. Crying and hurt beyond belief I crawled away.

For a week after that I made myself the bad guy. There just had to be a reason why the man who said he loved me would beat on me like that. I had to have done something wrong. And of course I couldn't ask him because once again he decided to leave me alone. I couldn't figure it out. What did I do so wrong that it warranted this?

Finally he came home, days later, but he was home! I walked on eggshells for two days. Scared he would hit me again. I couldn't sleep right for fear he might attack me in my sleep. Finally I mustered up enough courage and approached him about the situation.

Tears spilling down my face all I asked was, "why?" he looked at me strangely and said "Baby, I'm sorry .... No I apologize for my behavior." And again I said "WHY?" He looked at me tears falling down his face and said "You were ignoring me! You wouldn't talk to me ornpay me any attention! I know you were mad at me, but you wouldn't pay me any attention!"

I should've saw the signs and stopped right there.........

RAPE!!!

                                                        

He put a gun to my face, pulled my pants down and said if I made a noise he would shoot me. He proceeded to slam me around the alley and relentlessly fuck me while he got his sexual gratification. When he was done he left me there crying, battered and bleeding. I felt disgusting and worthless. It took me a half hour to pull myself together enough to make it home. I was 14 yrs old and I promised myself that I would never trust another man.

Fresh in my head, on top of the fact that I had no father figure, my trust for men had completely dissipated. I began to use any and everyone to achieve what I believed to be happiness. I let no one in my circle and I lied to everyone about everything. Those who were determined stayed close and refused to give up one me. I began to open up, but my personal life was a different story. I slept around and had no ties to anyone. I lied about love, I cheated continuously and I used the men in my life the way I had been abused. I didn't care about emotions or feelings, all I cared about was how the next person could be used. That man helped to destroy friendships and burn bridges that could have made me a better man.

For the longest time I keep my hurtful experience to myself out of fear. Scared that people would mock me for my weakness. I felt so weak and out of control that I became extremely aggressive and violent. Lashing out and exploding trying to appear to be something I wasn't. I created a persona for people to see so no one would know the true me. It took me a very long time to let anyone near of me. Very few people could see past the facade, but those who did stayed in my life. Most others tolerated it for as long as they could and left.

It's been about 7 years since I was raped. The sad thing is that it took this long for my shell to break. It hurts knowing that there were people who were trying to be there, but who never fully understood what my issue was. After much needed healing I can finally look back and say I am a better man. It took me a long time, but I have finally released that hurt.

I wrote this blog because it was important to me. People need to know what a situation like that does to a person. This is a serious matter, and even though I can laugh about it now, it's life altering. A friend recently said " Rape is nothing but Surprise Sex!" We laughed about it, but being completely honest that's exactly what what it is. Not every surprise is a good one. I was surprised when he put the gun in my face, I was surprised when he ripped my pants down, and I was surprised when he abused me in ways I never knew imaginable. So if you know anybody dealing with a situation like this the best thing you can do is give undying love, support and comfort.

I appreciate any comments or suggestions and please feel free to subscribe to my blog.

Same Sex Marriage

                                                               
This topic has been a reigning issue for the better part of two decades. There are so many jaded opinions, but just as much support. A recent study showed  that about 70% of Americans support equal rights for the LGBTQ community, but just about as much opposition involving same sex marriages.

Why is it that marriage is such a major issue? I recently engaged in a conversation regarding this topic and quite a few things stated that stuck with me. "If marriage is only the recognition of a union in front of your GOD, then why does it matter who you marry?" "There was not a clause that stated marriage was exclusive to the opposite sex until the 20th century!" "What about marriage makes people fear it enough to exclude anyone from it?" What does marriage entail other than a piece of paper and a few statements that causes people to not want it for a certain group of people?" The last thing stated really hit home for me. "If marriage is so sacred, then why is divorce optional?" I went and I thought about these questions and that conversation. i thought long and hard and I could not honestly give an answer to any of them. All of the questions have valid points and no one in the conversation could give a sustainable answer.

What confuses me the most about this issue is the lack of support from the LGBTQ community. While entertaining this subject a dear friend to me said, "It's disturbing and selfish that more LGBTQ people aren't supporting this cause!" How can you, as a member of said community, not support a cause to help create equal rights for people of your own distinction? I'm not hardly discrediting any of the support of anyone. I believe that there is a plethora of help in regards to this cause, but why not from everyone. You may not want the right yourself, but why not help someone in your own community to obtain that right for themselves.

Marriage allows partners to acquire or share medical insurance on the same plan, Make decisions in case of medical emergencies, Access to your finances, Inheritance rights, as well as many other things. Why is it that if someone can honestly dedicate their life to someone, regardless of sex, should they not be allowed these rights? Why is it that the government has the ability to control who can receive a certificate that has all that power? Banning same sex marriage isn't going to make the LGBTQ community dissipate, so why fight so hard against it? Here's my final thought..... There was once a time where our society thought that immigrants, women, and slaves did not deserve equal rights, now look at our society. What's the difference?

As always please feel free to leave comments and suggestions. I would love to hear your point of views and progression is always possible with an honest opinion. Thanks and I hope you enjoyed!

Marijuana- Positive or Negative

                                                        
This was quoted out of an article on www.druglibrary.com, "History has dictated that there definitely is a role for marijuana in society. Science has shown that there are more positives than negatives in smoking marijuana. Up to this point in time, all of the evidence presented so far has made it clear that when it comes to the issue of marijuana for therapeutic use, the benefits outweigh the risks."



Now with that medical statement I'm going to run with it and hopefully I don't crash...lol! There is so much controversy when it comes to the legalization and/or smoking of marijuana. So many people dedicate their life to informing people of all the negative things that marijuana  may induce while being consumed. How often do you hear someone voice the things about marijuana that are positive? 


I agree that there are many people who take advantage/abuse the accepted reasons for marijuana use, but that doesn't discredit the positive things that come from it. Ancient scholars and wise men called marijuana "panaceas" meaning cure-all. Most people are aware that marijuana has it's positive uses regarding AIDS/AIDS treatment, Theraputic Services and Glaucoma. However, there is so much more. It has medicinal uses for Multiple Sclerosis, Cancer Treatment, Depression, Epilepsy, Migraine Headaches, Asthma, Psuritis, Sclerodoma, Sever Pain and Dystopia. Marijuana also has over 60 chemicals in it's composite that have different uses as well. Cannabidiolic acid is a powerful disinfectant and Cannabol helps induce sleep. Cannabis can also be processed into a bio-mass fuel(clean burning), helping to cut down on the destruction of the O-Zone. 


Honestly I think people are so wound up in destroying things, that "society" may disapprove of, that it blind sights the positivity in things viewed as negative. People have been using marijuana for over 3,000 years, get used to it! That doesn't mean that it's o.k. for people to be walking around abusing it's uses. However, I do believe that instead of being content with destroying the image of marijuana, society should begin to view it's positivity. Stop looking at it's face value and put effort into discovering more of it's uses. Not everything is as bad as it seems!   

The Beginning!!!

Hey what's up every one! Most people know me as Smokey. Some people know me as Donavin, but no one knows Markies Movado. I created this pseudonym when I was a lot younger and was dedicated to writing poetry. It's been a while, but I feel like my creative juices are flowing again...lol!

I was told, by someone very dear to me, that I should write a book because of the array of life experiences I've had. I thought that it sounded like a very good idea, but I wanted to see if people would enjoy what I wrote before stepping out into that venture. So I created this blog. I'm not doing this to acquire any type of fame/celebrity. I'm not doing it as a way to vent about my personal issues nor disrespect/deface anyone. I am doing this because I like to write, I have a lot to say, I like to entertain and I'd like to share. I believe that in able to be a successful writer you have to draw from your surroundings. So with that being said I would love comments and encourage you to do so. Don't be afraid if you think it may be negative, because positive results can come from an honest opinion. I also look forward to having suggestions made about topics to discuss, so feel free to share.  Also if you have any ideas about how to improve my blog let me know. I'm always looking to make things better. I hope you enjoy it as much as I write it. Thanks for dropping by and I hope you come back.

-Markies M.